For some it seems elusive. I find it at times and at others lose it. It seems peace is connected to a choice we make about how we look at our circumstances. When Anna was waiting for her first transplant I struggled to find peace. I didn’t like not living at home and being away from all things familiar including people. I didn’t like the unpredictable nature of the transplant world, every day wondering if it would be the day we got the call for available lungs. I didn’t have a lot of peace.
By Anna’s second transplant I learned a few things. The main difference was being at peace with whatever was happening. I learned to find contentment in the space of the unpredictable and unfamiliar. Paul, one of the writers of the New Testament of the Bible, spoke of learning to be content in the midst of hardships. His were a lot more intense than mine but the concept of finding peace in any and every situation is accessible to all of us.
It is a choice to breathe and relax. To look for glimmers of sunshine in the midst of dark circumstances or simply be at peace right where you are. Life is filled with discomfort. Acknowledge yours, give space to grieve, be angry or sad. Then take a few slow breaths and remind yourself you can get through this a breath at a time. You can choose to hang on to icky emotions or let them go (for now, they will likely come back but you’ll deal with them when they show up again). You can choose to do something that fills your soul in the midst of the challenge (as simple as looking at a flower, the sky, a color you like, remembering a pleasant time or place). You can even follow the gentle prompt of my online yoga friend, Yoga with Adriene, turn the corners of your mouth up.
I understand it can be hard to find peace, but I also know it’s possible. Choose peace 🙂
Having trouble sleeping? Are thoughts running around your mind and keeping you awake? One technique I find helpful is reciting verses in my mind. Perhaps you don’t read the Bible but you know some positive statements. You could recite those. You’ll need to put reins on your mind to keep it focused on reciting which helps you stop thinking about the things that are keeping you from sleeping. Before long you will just drift off to sleep. If you wake up during the night, just do the same thing again.
The more air time you give to thoughts that keep you from sleeping, the worse it gets. We train ourselves to ruminate by doing it again and again. Notice it, stop and switch to reciting. Try it tonight and see what happens.
My heart is grieved. I see so much hate being thrown around on social media and in the news from Black Lives Matter to Anti-Mask protests and beyond. I’m pretty sure people on all sides of the issues are not stupid, wicked people. I think, for the most part, we are all scared and hurting in some way. Some fear the loss of control, “If I give in to the demand to wear a mask you’re going to just keep taking away my rights.” Some fear culpability, “If I say black lives matter, then I have to admit there is something inside of me that thought they didn’t or perhaps I am some how complicit in their oppression.” Some fear the loss of protection, “If you don’t wear a mask you might infect me.”
I think our hate for those on the other side of an issue comes from fear, anger or sadness. I think the fear, anger or sadness come from wounds from our distant or not so distant past. We were hurt in some way and now we let that hurt spew out on others. We were oppressed by another, we experienced hurt at the intentional or unintentional words or actions of another, we felt misunderstood, unheard, or not good enough to another. Something happened and the hate toward others started to take root and grow into something dark and hurtful inside. Left unhealed, we just repeat what was done to us, only we think we are justified some how. We’re not. We’re just as guilty as the person who hurt us. We are repeating the cycle.
We have this wonderful aspect to our humanity that enables us to change. We can look at ourselves, learn about the hurtful parts of us, heal the pain, and function in a kind, understanding way toward ourselves and others. This takes work. It takes humility and it’s worth it. I don’t say this from an “I’m all that” place but rather from knowing what it’s like to be the one hurting others, doing the hard work with others by my side to delve into the why, and find healing. I’m not always good at it but I try to see the other side. I try to understand where the other is coming from rather than demand I’m right and you’re wrong. It’s freeing, really it is. It feels so much better to put down my arsenal of attacks and listen instead. I don’t have to agree with you to listen and understand your view. Listening to you helps me soften. We might not end the conversation in agreement, but we will still be friends. Try it, you might find freedom if you do. 🙂
I posted this in 2017 and it’s time to bring it back.
“The challenge is to always do what is right and good and true, even if others don’t appreciate it. Making the world a better place can’t depend on applause. You have to keep striving, no matter what, because if you don’t, many of the things that need to be done in our world will never get done.” ~ Kent M. Keith, author of Anyway – The Paradoxical Commandments
The Paradoxical Commandments by Keith M. Kent:
- People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
- If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
- If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
- The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
- Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
- The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
- People favor underdogs but follow top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
- What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
- People really need help but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
- Give the world the best you have and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world the best you have anyway.
I resonate with Kent Keith’s ideas. Our job is to leave a positive mark on this planet through our actions and words. Our ripples may be small or large. The size isn’t the point. The healthiest approach is to detach from the outcome or reach of the good we do and do good anyway! 🙂
Are those around you starting to drive you bananas? When we are stuck together for awhile it tends to bring out the worst in others…and us. If you’re frustrated with another, you might not need to look very far to find the root of the problem. It might be you!
Shocking, huh? We are so quick to assign blame to others but often we are the culprit. Take a look at what’s going on in your relationships. Before you start to assume someone else needs to do the changing, take a look at what you might be doing, saying, not doing or not saying that is contributing.
You know the saying, it takes two to Tango? You’re on a relational dance floor and unless you are dealing with a person who has a personality disorder (which only accounts for about 10% of the population) you are likely engaging in as many steps or more than your dance partner. We don’t like that. We like to believe we’re right and the other person has serious problems. The flaw in this is you will then spend so much time looking at the other person’s faults you will completely miss your own.
People have ended relationships erroneously believing it was the other person’s fault. If they had just taken the time to do some serious self-reflecting and stop placing the all blame on the other, they might be in a healthy relationship and avoid repeating the same pattern again and again.
Next time you are in a disagreement, step back and find out what’s your part.
When really awful things are happening, sometimes little comforts make a big difference. People are struggling. They are starving, homeless, isolated, and sick. And yet, I felt disappointed when our crabapple tree blossoms succumbed to a recent spring freeze. On one hand it seemed myopic and childish to feel so sad. People are fighting to live. Not seeing crabapple blossoms is nothing compared to that. I get it, I do. I also believe we need to honor even the little things.
I love spring and everything that represents it. The warmer temperatures, longer days, and many blossoms that grace the stage for a handful of days fill my soul. When I saw the brown bits on the ground below the crabapple tree, I realized they were the life-cut-short embryonic buds of my treasured flowers. Their beauty will never be seen, their fragrance will never fill the air. Maybe they represent more than just a passage of seasons. Maybe for me, this year, they represent the hope of better days to come…for all of us.
I know, that sounds dramatic. After all, they are just flowers. I care far more about people and their plight of survival; however, for a moment, I will feel the sadness of this loss. I will grieve the absence of their beauty and heart-warming scent. I will take a deep fragrance-less breath and as I exhale I will remember all the good that still exists. I will do this because I believe the act of grieving, even the little things, ultimately frees me to move forward in life and show up in the midst of the big things.