I’ve been reading Shonda Rhimes’ A Year of Yes. It’s a quick and enjoyable read. I hear the voices of Meredith Grey, Cristina Yang and Miranda Bailey from her hit series, Grey’s Anatomy. As I turned the pages, I was simply a casual observer of her experiences but one line caught me. She was talking about how she fears people will think she thinks she’s better than everyone else and conceited if she simply says thank you and accepts awards confidently. As I read this line, it caught my breath and tears started welling up in my eyes. This struck something deep inside of me.
I hate (yes hate!) posting about what I’m doing. I struggle with promoting my work on social media, this blog, and my newsletter. I believe whole heartedly in the work I do. I have dedicated myself to growing personally and professionally so I can give the very best to my clients and readers. I’m not ashamed of my message at all. I am afraid you will think I’m too full of myself. I had conquered this piece, or so I thought but here it is rearing it’s ugly head once again.
As soon as the pandemic got going I jumped on Facebook and recorded a bunch of live videos. I realized this was a frightening time and immediately put out material to help people get through those initially scary weeks. After awhile I got tired of seeing myself on my Facebook page and I feared you might too so I stopped. I figured there’s plenty of other people out there offering help I don’t need to add to the noise.
But my message isn’t just noise. It’s unique because it’s from my perspective and it’s helpful. I believe in our ability to heal and find freedom in the midst of uncertainty. I know from my own journey it’s true and I want others to experience it, too.
I have a new awareness around this old issue. I’m not sure what my next steps will be but for now, I am writing. I find when I put my icky thoughts out there they have less power. For the record, I don’t think I’m better than others. I do believe I have knowledge that can bring healing and freedom to others and I need to get out of my own way so I can continue to share it.